In Recognition of National Family Caregivers Month we share with you this Caregiver's Story...
"CAREGIVER"
"Two Words make up this amazing title –
To undertake the task of Caregiver one must truly CARE – if not the reward is not held in your heart anddedication will not last. If so, you will care to the end and the pain may be with you each day.
To undertake the task of Caregiver one must truly GIVE – if not it will be an unrewarded task for both you and the one you are seeking to help. If so, you will be giving to the end and body and mind may be drained.
Starting out as a caregiver for my husband after he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s and the related dementia, there was hope and almost joy in being able to show how much love I had to give. He was a very very bright man, loving to read and travel, so it was to be a very big change for both of us. The early stages of caregiving may begin slowly with the “chores” involved not being of great magnitude.
How wonderful it feels to give and have someone you love really need you. As time progresses the “steps down” or deterioration become frightening as you may realize these steps are leading to something you may not be able to handle. Some of the joy is gone but you continue to try to keep things as close to “normal” as possible. Getting out in nice weather – a ride, lunch, visiting beautiful places, having company fill the time for both of you with happy memories. Colder months were spent indoors looking at old photos, telling old stories and planning for the unknown future. These memories become so very important as time passes. I myself remember taking photos of the smiles – to have the photos to remind me of that joy even during some difficult times.
Again, time passes and when you both cannot get out together you must remember that you are loved by this man and he would want you to take care of yourself too. That is easier said than done for many. They are ALWAYS with you because you care. Even if you take time to go to a store or lunch with a friend, they are there with you. I was blessed with a magnificent family and wonderful friends. I did not choose to “get out” very often but they were there with me and I NEVER felt alone or forgotten.
My husband Bob was fortunate in some ways – he did not have tremors, had long term memory and knew all of us up to a few hours before he passed away. Non-conversational but oh those eye-rolls told us he knew exactly what was happening. Again, memories help sustain during and after.
At a certain point professional help was needed if I was to keep Bob at home, something I wanted more than anything else for both of us. Hiring nurses, aides made staying home possible. Caregiving is something you may undertake on your own but should not hesitate to ask for help if needed – for your body and your mind as well. Sometimes the help is just that family member being there and understanding.
There are so many different situations that may require other decisions such as nursing homes and that is an understandable decision. Again blessed, I prayed (and asked for my doctor’s help) to stay alive at least one day longer than Bob so that I would know he was in good hands.
When caregiving is a necessity your life changes. There is a drain on your health, your finances, your time and your mind. The blessing is that you get to say goodbye slowly – you get to say things over and over (as short term memory was gone). You get to say (and I did) – thank you for asking me to marry you, thank you for the beautiful family, for being a part of MY family from the very beginning, for a wonderful home, two beautiful children producing our beautiful grandchildren – and for all the adventures throughout our almost 50 years.
When you are a caregiver you MUST look for the good points, the plus items, because sometimes the difficulties can be overwhelming.
As hard as it may have been at times, I selfishly wish he was here to hug."
"CAREGIVER"
"Two Words make up this amazing title –
To undertake the task of Caregiver one must truly CARE – if not the reward is not held in your heart anddedication will not last. If so, you will care to the end and the pain may be with you each day.
To undertake the task of Caregiver one must truly GIVE – if not it will be an unrewarded task for both you and the one you are seeking to help. If so, you will be giving to the end and body and mind may be drained.
Starting out as a caregiver for my husband after he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s and the related dementia, there was hope and almost joy in being able to show how much love I had to give. He was a very very bright man, loving to read and travel, so it was to be a very big change for both of us. The early stages of caregiving may begin slowly with the “chores” involved not being of great magnitude.
How wonderful it feels to give and have someone you love really need you. As time progresses the “steps down” or deterioration become frightening as you may realize these steps are leading to something you may not be able to handle. Some of the joy is gone but you continue to try to keep things as close to “normal” as possible. Getting out in nice weather – a ride, lunch, visiting beautiful places, having company fill the time for both of you with happy memories. Colder months were spent indoors looking at old photos, telling old stories and planning for the unknown future. These memories become so very important as time passes. I myself remember taking photos of the smiles – to have the photos to remind me of that joy even during some difficult times.
Again, time passes and when you both cannot get out together you must remember that you are loved by this man and he would want you to take care of yourself too. That is easier said than done for many. They are ALWAYS with you because you care. Even if you take time to go to a store or lunch with a friend, they are there with you. I was blessed with a magnificent family and wonderful friends. I did not choose to “get out” very often but they were there with me and I NEVER felt alone or forgotten.
My husband Bob was fortunate in some ways – he did not have tremors, had long term memory and knew all of us up to a few hours before he passed away. Non-conversational but oh those eye-rolls told us he knew exactly what was happening. Again, memories help sustain during and after.
At a certain point professional help was needed if I was to keep Bob at home, something I wanted more than anything else for both of us. Hiring nurses, aides made staying home possible. Caregiving is something you may undertake on your own but should not hesitate to ask for help if needed – for your body and your mind as well. Sometimes the help is just that family member being there and understanding.
There are so many different situations that may require other decisions such as nursing homes and that is an understandable decision. Again blessed, I prayed (and asked for my doctor’s help) to stay alive at least one day longer than Bob so that I would know he was in good hands.
When caregiving is a necessity your life changes. There is a drain on your health, your finances, your time and your mind. The blessing is that you get to say goodbye slowly – you get to say things over and over (as short term memory was gone). You get to say (and I did) – thank you for asking me to marry you, thank you for the beautiful family, for being a part of MY family from the very beginning, for a wonderful home, two beautiful children producing our beautiful grandchildren – and for all the adventures throughout our almost 50 years.
When you are a caregiver you MUST look for the good points, the plus items, because sometimes the difficulties can be overwhelming.
As hard as it may have been at times, I selfishly wish he was here to hug."