Home care in Northbrook, IL

  • 950 Skokie Blvd., Ste. 300
  • Northbrook, IL 60062

1 Angry Daughter-- 9 Ways to Avoid Caregiver Burnout

July 14th, 2016

Senior In-Home Care from BrightStar Care Evanston Puts You One Step Further from Feeling Toasted

There are few things tougher and sometimes more thankless than caregiving, especially when your loved one doesn't even know who you are. When you care long-term for a person you love, it's easy to forget your own needs and your emotional and physical well-being can suffer. When you give so much of yourself away,
sometimes all that's left is resentment and anger, which is the case with the daughter who vents below. It's very understandable and sad, but the good news is there are some recourses and resources she and you can turn to for help. We've listed 9 of them, including in-home senior care assistance from BrightStar Care Evanston. It's a trusted way to avoid that burned out, crusty feeling.
A Tough Tale from a Furious Daughter

"I have been dealing with my elderly mother's health issues constantly since her fairly recent open heart surgery. I have lived and breathed hospitals/skilled nursing facilities and she has now been in our home for the last year. Since I still work full time, I have in-home care help for mom and I couldn't do without it. There are huge pluses to her not being in a facility anymore.
I no longer need to drive 33 miles one way to visit her... I can sleep in my own bed (I actually slept at the hospital parking garage one night)
and I can eat at home, which avoids hospital culinary delights.

My mom was recently diagnosed with congestive heart failure, but is otherwise of a very sound mind at age 85. She was on a ventilator for 2 years and is considered a "miracle" person to have gotten off of the ventilator, although she has a trach and doctors believe she will always have one. That's the good news. Yesterday, she was diagnosed with gallstones.

I am beginning to get angry. When I come home from work at 5:30, I want to have some time for me and I am angry that after working 42 years I cannot take vacations and enjoy life. I have sought counseling and have some close friends who care but I cannot keep venting to them.
As one friend explained last night....'You chose to have her in your home
so now you have the responsibility of a child.'

"I never had children. I am 61 years old now and today I am just angry. Putting her in a nursing home is not an option. I know she would not last very long at such a facility as she has already gotten an array of hospital acquired infections and the pulmonologist has advised me to keep her out of the public until spring because of the flu. So this is my new life which is no life at all."

Signed: Hopeless Daughter

We're sure it's obvious to everyone reading this that something has to be done for this "hopeless" daughter and her mom. For her edification and yours, here are...

9 Ways to Coast Before You're Burnt as Toast

  1. Help Yourself First: Numero uno on every care professional's list is to put your physical, nutritional and emotional needs first or your loved one may end up without your help at all. Get enough sleep; force yourself to exercise, even if it's just a walk in the park.
    Diet-wise, take a trip to Europe by following the Mediterranean Diet.
  2. Tap North Shore Senior Resources: There are all kinds of organizations and groups that have been formed to help seniors in the north suburban area (our BrightStar Care base). One in particular that's wonderful is the Senior's One Stop Information Program (604) 983-3303. You'll find how to access home support, meal and shopping programs, including support groups -- which may be a happy resource for the angry daughter.
  3. Ask
    the Experts: 
    BrightStar Care Evanston and BrightStar Care North Suburban have connections. One of the exceptional resources our in-home care service offers is the chance to contact us for information or help by calling (847) 510-5750 24/7/365. If you have a question about Alzheimer's care, we can put you in touch with an expert at the National Alzheimer's Association. In fact, go ahead, Ask Your Question Now
  4. Create a Help Task Force: People always say, "If there's anything I can do, let me know." You can say, "Well, actually would you consider being part of 'My Valuable and Selfless Helpers.' It's a small group of my friends and family who are crazy enough to want to help me and my mom. We meet once a week at Starbucks on Greenbay; I buy the coffee and scones and we all look at the schedule for the week and and volunteer for mom-related tasks --grocery shopping (do not buy Cheetos), a ride to the dentist,
    a camping trip to the hair stylist (it takes a bit of time until it's just right." As unusual as this task force may sound, it works and everyone enjoys contributing.
  5. Give yourself a timeout:When you've had it as a caregiver and start snapping and barking at everyone, including your dog, it's best to give it a
    rest. Literally give yourself 10 minutes alone in the corner of the room, or out on the porch. And think of maybe even an extended break, like how about an overnight visit with a close friend? You could treat yourself to a night at a B&B, or a night at a motel where you pay $10 bucks for a movie and maybe (could it be?) tap the honor bar. One rule, though, taking a break does not include running errands. That would be an errant move.
  6. Get organized:
    You can feel on top of things if they're written down. Make a to-do list or keep a calendar -- you can even share that calendar online with your task force and divide up tasks. The seniors' friend, AARP harps on ways to prioritize your responsibilities. Check out the helpful article
  7. Seek support: There are all kinds of online groups where you can chat about challenges (but be careful of scams --some people will join these groups just to get personal information). There's always professional counseling and in some instances, insurance may cover it.
  8. Say No:
    Seriously--you have a right to say no to additional activities knowing what's currently on your plate. Let the Men's Group or Ladies Church group get along without you; don't volunteer for anything --except taking care of yourself.
  9. Visit our BrightStar home care services Website:  Or call us at 847-510-5750 to find out about our huge range of helpful services, including:

    With all that help around, there's no need to be an angry daughter or son or sibling. Look on the bright side--the BrightStar Care Evanston side of the street.

    CLICK HERE FOR A FREE ASSESSMENT OF YOUR HOME CARE NEEDS

    Resources:

    Aging Care: How to deal with anger and depression associated with caregiver burnout-- http://bit.ly/29Bwewk Carol Bradley Bursack

    Six signs of Caregiver Burnout: AARP http://bit.ly/29D33XL