If you’re like a lot of families in Gloucester County, the holidays are the one time everyone actually gets in the same room. It’s also when adult children suddenly realize: “Something’s changed with Mom/Dad since last year.”
Maybe the house looks off. Maybe your parent seems more confused, weaker on their feet, or just “not themselves.” The question is: what do you actually do about it, right now, while you’re here?
This is a practical, local guide for families with aging parents in towns like Woodbury, Deptford, West Deptford, Washington Township, Mullica Hill, Pitman, Glassboro, Paulsboro, Franklinville, and the surrounding South Jersey area.
1.Know the red flags that should get your attention
You’re not going to fix aging over a long weekend, but you can decide whether this is “normal slowing down” or “we need to act.”
Pay attention to:
Safety red flags
- New or worsening falls, or near-falls (grabbing walls or furniture to walk)
- Unsteady even with a cane or walker
- Burned pots, scorch marks, or oven left on
- Front door unlocked all night, or wandering outside at odd hours
Memory and thinking
- Repeating the same questions or stories every few minutes
- Missing bills, stacks of unopened mail, utilities at risk of shutoff
- Not remembering recent doctor visits, medication changes, or major events
- Getting lost in their own neighborhood or confused about time of day
Daily living and self-care
- Strong body odor, wearing the same clothes for days
- Weight loss, empty fridge, expired food, or clear difficulty preparing meals
- Not managing medications (running out, skipping, or doubling doses)
- House noticeably dirtier or more cluttered than their previous baseline
Mood and behavior
- Noticeable withdrawal, not leaving the house, no interest in usual hobbies
- Irritability, anxiety, or tearfulness that’s new
- Alcohol or medication misuse to “cope”
If you’re seeing several of these at once, you’re not overreacting. Something has shifted and you need a plan.
2.Document what you’re seeing (not just how you feel)
Vague statements like “She’s worse” don’t get traction with doctors or agencies. Specifics do.
While you’re in town, jot down:
- Dates and examples: “12/24 – Mom almost fell twice walking from kitchen to living room, grabbed furniture both times.”
- Photos (for your own reference): of clutter, expired food, stacks of mail, bruises from falls (with their permission).
- Medication list: pills, doses, who prescribed them, how they’re actually being taken (not just what the bottle says).
- Names of local doctors, hospital systems (Inspira, Jefferson, Cooper, etc.), and any recent ER visits or hospitalizations.
This becomes your “snapshot” to share with their primary care provider or other professionals after the holidays.
3.Have the hard conversation while you’re face-to-face
Waiting until you’re back home in another state makes everything harder. Have a direct but respectful conversation now.
Keep it simple:
- Start with what you’ve noticed: “I’ve seen you having more trouble getting around and keeping up with the house.”
- Link it to safety: “I’m worried about you falling or something serious happening when no one is here.”
- Offer help, don’t just criticize: “I think it’s time we get you some backup at home so you’re not doing everything alone.”
Expect pushback. Most older adults default to: “I’m fine” or “I don’t want strangers in my house.” Your job is to keep it grounded:
- “I’m not saying you can’t live at home. I’m saying you shouldn’t be doing it with zero help.”
- “Bringing in help doesn’t mean you’re helpless. It’s the opposite. It lets you stay here longer.”
If they absolutely refuse to talk about it, that’s still data. It tells you the change management is going to be slow and you’ll need allies (doctor, local family, social worker).
4.Make one local call before you leave: Gloucester County Senior Services / ADRC
In Gloucester County, your main public gateway for aging services is the Division of Senior Services, which also serves as the county’s Aging & Disability Resource Connection (ADRC).
They can:
- Explain what county and state programs your parent might qualify for
- Screen for in-home support, caregiver support, transportation, and meal programs
- Point you to vetted local resources instead of random Google results
- Gloucester County Division of Senior Services
- Address: 115 Budd Blvd, West Deptford, NJ 08096
- Main phone: 856-384-6900
- Statewide ADRC help line: 1-877-222-3737
Even if your parent is still insisting “I’m fine,” you can call as the adult child and say:
“I’m visiting my [mom/dad] in [town] in Gloucester County, I’ve seen a clear decline in walking, self-care, and memory over the holidays, and I need to understand what in-home or caregiver support might be available in this county.”
You’re not committing to anything. You’re gathering facts and getting on their radar.
5.If you’re worried about abuse, neglect, or exploitation, don’t dance around it
Sometimes the decline isn’t just aging. It might be:
- A caregiver or relative taking money
- A partner or family member neglecting basic needs
- A vulnerable adult not able to protect themselves
New Jersey Adult Protective Services (APS) investigates reports of abuse, neglect, or exploitation of vulnerable adults living in the community and connects them with services to stay safe.
You can:
- Call the statewide APS toll-free line: (855) TELL-APS / (855) 835-5277
- In an immediate emergency (serious injury, active danger), call 911 or local police first.
You do not need ironclad proof. “Reasonable concern” is enough. Let them decide if it meets criteria. If there’s clear criminal behavior or financial exploitation, the Gloucester County Prosecutor’s Office and local law enforcement can also become involved.
If your gut says something is really wrong, listen to it.
6.Loop in their doctors and local hospital systems
Once you’re back home, you want local health care teams on the same page.
If your parent uses a local system like Inspira Health (for example, Inspira Medical Center Mullica Hill) or another South Jersey hospital, ask to speak with:
- Their primary care provider’s office, and
- If recently hospitalized, the hospital case manager or social worker who handled their discharge.
Send them your concrete observations (from Step 2) and ask specifically:
- “Can we schedule an in-person visit or cognitive/functional assessment soon?”
- “Can you review medications for anything that might be worsening confusion or falls?”
- “Is a referral to home health, physical therapy, or occupational therapy appropriate?”
Do not assume “If it were serious, the doctor would have said something.” They only see a short snapshot. You’re the one who saw the reality over multiple days.
7.Decide what level of help is actually needed
Not every decline means “nursing home.” But pretending nothing has changed is how you end up with an avoidable ER trip and a crisis discharge to a facility you didn’t choose.
Broad buckets:
Mild decline
- Needs help with heavy cleaning, rides, occasional check-ins
- Still generally safe alone, no frequent falls
→ Consider: family schedule changes, trusted neighbors, companion services a few times a week, adult day programs.
Moderate decline
- Trouble with bathing, dressing, meal prep, medication management
- Increased falls or near-falls, confusion with bills and appointments
→ Consider: in-home personal care (certified aides), more formal medication support, grab bars or ramps, possibly adult day care several days a week.
Severe decline
- Dependent for most activities of daily living, incontinent, significant dementia, frequent falls
- Spouse or child caregiver is exhausted, angry, or breaking down
→ Consider: high-frequency in-home care (including 24/7 or live-in), hospice or palliative consult if appropriate, or exploring facility care if home support is no longer realistic.
The right answer is whatever keeps them as safe and independent as possible without burning the caregiver to the ground.
8.If you live out of state, don’t try to manage this alone
If you’re flying back to Florida, Texas, or the Carolinas after the holidays, be honest with yourself: you cannot be the only point person for day-to-day problems in Woodbury or Mullica Hill.
Your options:
- Identify a local “quarterback”: sibling, trusted neighbor, or friend who can be eyes and ears and attend appointments.
- Work with county resources (Senior Services/ADRC) and local agencies to build a team.
- Get releases signed so providers can talk to you and your designated local contact.
Your role becomes:
- Setting expectations
- Making sure nothing falls through the cracks
- Saying “no” when someone suggests a plan that clearly won’t work long-term
9.Use the holidays as a starting line, not a one-off panic
Here’s the simple roadmap:
- Notice and document specific changes while you’re visiting.
- Have a direct conversation with your parent or older relative about safety and help.
- Before you leave, call Gloucester County Senior Services / ADRC and get basic options on the table.
- If there’s any hint of abuse, neglect, or exploitation, contact APS or local authorities.
- After you’re home, loop in their doctors and any local hospital system they use, and push for concrete next steps.
- Build a realistic care plan that matches how far the decline has actually gone, not how much you wish it hadn’t.
Aging doesn’t pause just because everyone goes back to work on Monday. If you’re seeing a real decline this holiday season, treat it as the signal it is and start moving pieces now, while you still have time to make thoughtful decisions instead of crisis decisions.