Losing a loved one can be devastating for family caregivers. The emotions you experience after this loss can be complex, especially if you were providing caregiver support for a family member with a long-term illness or disability. If you’re looking for tips and advice for how to overcome the loss of a loved one, this article can help you unpack complicated feelings and better understand the grieving process.
Understanding Grief and Loss
Grief is a natural response to loss, and the grief journey looks different for every person, but there are some commonalities to the grieving process that can help you connect with others who understand what you’re going through, even if their situation isn’t the same.
Common Signs and Symptoms of Grief
When you’ve lost a family member, grief often manifests itself in physical, mental, and emotional ways beyond the obvious sadness you feel. Below are some of the most common indicators of grieving.
Physical Signs of Grief
- Trouble sleeping
- Change in appetite
- Aches and pain
- Fatigue
- Increased headaches
- Sensation of your body not feeling quite right
Mental Signs of Grief
- Forgetfulness
- Difficulty concentrating
- Feeling overwhelmed
- Struggling to maintain routines
- Preoccupation with the loss
Emotional Signs of Grief
- Intense sorrow
- Anger
- Irritability
- Numbness
- Yearning
- Regret
- Guilt
- Anxiety
- Social withdrawal
The Five Stages of Grief
You may have heard people talk about the five stages of grief, which include:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
But what you might be surprised to learn is that grief is not a linear process. Although many people experience these stages in the typical order, it doesn’t always happen in a nice, neat progression with clear stops and starts.
It’s even more important to recognize that you may move onto a new stage of grief and circle back to an earlier one, sometimes unexpectedly. Just when you feel that you’re close to accepting the loss, you may once again find yourself in the pit of depression or the darkness of anger. This is often the reality of caregiver grief and loss.
However, if your grief begins to feel unmanageable or you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, please reach out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. You can speak with a counselor over the phone, through text, via chat, or with the service’s Hard of Hearing access.
Acknowledging Complicated Feelings
Overcoming grief and loss can be especially difficult for those who were caregiving for elderly parents or loved ones with disabilities. In addition to the more common signs and symptoms of grief, you may discover you feel relieved that your days of caregiving duties are over—but then, you may also feel guilty for feeling relieved.
It’s okay to feel this way. Working as a family caregiver requires a lot of time, money, and energy, and it’s normal to feel a sense of relief when you no longer have to shoulder the burden of caregiving responsibilities. It doesn’t mean you love your family member who has passed any less.
Another big challenge to overcoming the loss of a loved one is feeling or believing that your purpose and identity have been stripped away. After they’re no longer here, you may feel you’ve lost your daily routine and rhythm. When it’s time to return to a “normal” schedule without caregiver duties, you may feel empty, lost, or unneeded. This, too, is a normal reaction to losing someone you loved and cared for.
How to Cope with Grief and Loss
Overcoming grief takes time, but there are ways to move gently through the grieving process. Consider the suggestions below as you navigate the loss of your loved one.
Stay on Top of Your Health
As a family caregiver, you most likely spent your time scheduling doctor’s appointments for your loved one, taking them to medical facilities, picking up their prescriptions, monitoring their health, preparing their meals, assisting them with activities of daily living (ADLs), and ensuring that they received the best care possible. Somewhere along the way, you probably missed a few of your own appointments, skipped meals, or didn’t have enough energy to take care of yourself.
Now is a good time to focus on your own health. Redirect the energy from your caregiving responsibilities into caring for your needs. Schedule appointments that you’ve put off. Ensure you meet the recommended daily nutrition requirements. Refill any prescriptions that you’ve missed. Find ways to exercise that make you feel good. Practice self-care to boost your mental and emotional health.
Give Yourself Time to Mourn
Coping with grief doesn’t have a timeline, so you should give yourself grace and heal at your own pace. This is especially true if you were a caregiver for elderly parents, a spouse, or even a child.
If, however, you feel as though your grief has lasted longer than anticipated or that you’re unable to return to your normal routines, you may want to speak with a healthcare professional.
Prolonged Grief Disorder (PGD) is a condition in which those grieving struggle to believe that the death actually occurred, or they consistently feel that their life has no meaning. While some experts consider six or 12 months to be benchmarks for considering this diagnosis, psychologist and Director of the Portland Institute for Loss and Transition Robert Neimeyer believes that it’s more appropriate to ask the question, “Is your grief disabling?”
Talk with a Counselor or Therapist
If you’re struggling mentally and emotionally after the passing of a loved one, and your grief has started to feel disabling, it's a good idea to seek professional help.
A grief counselor or therapist can provide effective strategies for processing complicated feelings, coping with grief, and moving on after a loved one passes.
If you have an existing relationship with a counselor or therapist, they may be the best choice for helping you work through your grief since they already know you. If you don’t have a counselor or therapist, ask your healthcare provider for a recommendation.
Spend Time with Family and Friends
After a significant loss—such as the death of a family member—it might feel easier to avoid social situations and hunker down at home. Even if you don’t want to interact with others, maintaining social connections can be helpful for the grieving process.
Try to stay in touch with family and friends after the loss of your loved one as much as you can. It’s okay to start small and slow. Maybe it’s just texting or calling a friend at first. When you have more energy, you might schedule a time to grab coffee or lunch. Eventually, you’ll find yourself getting back into normal routines.
Be Mindful of Grief Triggers
According to Neimeyer, when we lose someone dear to us, it’s normal to experience waves of grief, even years after the death. In many cases, these feelings come up when you encounter certain memories of your loved one.
While this is a common occurrence among those who are grieving, if there are specific dates or places that could cause your grief to spike, you may consider avoiding these until you feel more comfortable encountering them.
For instance, if your emotions are too raw to go to your “usual” dinner spot because it reminds you of the loved one you lost, seek out a new restaurant until you’re ready to go back. Or if a certain anniversary date weighs heavy on your heart, consider making plans that can serve as a distraction.
It's also a good idea to share these concerns with family members and friends who can be aware of the potential for discomfort in these spaces and help find means of avoidance.
Maintain Hobbies and Interests
Even though you’re grieving, allow yourself to experience joy and explore new activities. An observational study published by Nature Medicine in 2023 showed that participants ages 65 and older reported better health, more happiness, fewer symptoms of depression, and higher life satisfaction than those that didn’t engage in hobbies on a regular basis.
While this study doesn’t prove that hobbies cause people to be healthy and happy, activities like arts and crafts, games, gardening, and volunteering involve creativity, sensory engagement, self-expression, relaxation, and cognitive stimulation, which are linked to good mental health and well-being.
Take Bereavement Leave
If you’re employed at the time your loved one passes away, consider taking bereavement leave. This will give you time away from your daily responsibilities to focus on tending to your personal needs and being with your family so that you have time to properly mourn.
In addition, bereavement time off allows you to address the practical and financial tasks you’ll be responsible for after a death, especially if you were the primary caregiver to the family member who passed.
Utilize Respite Care Services
If you’re a family caregiver for more than one loved one, you’re probably exhausted from both maintaining your caregiving duties and dealing with your grief after the loss of a loved one. In such cases, you might turn to respite care.
Respite care is temporary relief provided by a professional caregiver to give family caregivers time to address their personal needs and tend to other responsibilities. It can also help prevent burnout for caregivers who are feeling exhausted, experiencing grief, struggling with illness, and more.
BrightStar Care Can Provide the Respite Care You Need
While you’re going through the grieving process and trying to manage your caregiving responsibilities, know that you’re not alone. BrightStar Care® understands the heartache of losing someone you’ve cared for, as well as the difficulties of managing the physical, financial, and practical details of your loved one’s care. It’s why we offer respite care and in-home care for family caregivers who need additional help.
Whether you’re looking for respite care services or in-home care services for you or your loved one, our experienced local care team members are ready to help. Find a location near you, contact us online or call (866) 618-7827 to learn more about how BrightStar Care offers A Higher Standard®.