Whether it’s an elderly parent, aging family member, or disabled loved one, being a family caregiver can be difficult—even more so if you don’t live close by. Managing your loved one’s safety at home, trying to help them get the healthcare they need, and supporting their emotional well-being is already a lot to take on. Then, you have physical distance adding stress to the situation.
If you’re a family caregiver living far away, this guide can help you better understand the challenges of long-distance caregiving, how to stay connected with your loved one, and where respite care and in-home care services can help.
- What Is Long-Distance Caregiving?
- What Tasks Can Long-Distance Caregivers Help With?
- Challenges of Long-Distance Caregiving
- How to Stay Connected as a Long-Distance Caregiver
- How Respite Care Can Help Long-Distance Caregivers
What Is Long-Distance Caregiving?
Long-distance caregiving is when a family caregiver—such as an adult child, spouse, sibling, or other family member—assists with a loved one’s personal care and health needs from another city, another state, or across the country.
The NIH National Institute on Aging estimates that are there between 5 and 7 million long-distance caregivers in the U.S., most of whom are caring for elderly parents who live an hour or more away.
Long-distance caregiving can involve a variety of household tasks, from managing a loved one’s finances to arranging their in-home care services and transportation to appointments. In some cases, a long-distance caregiver may travel back and forth to provide respite care for a primary caregiver or help a loved one move to a new home or specialized care facility.
What Tasks Can Long-Distance Caregivers Help With?
Whether you live just a few hours away from your loved one or on the other side of the country, your involvement as a long-distance family caregiver is less hands-on than it would be if you lived near each other, but your role is still essential. Although you’ll face challenges as a long-distance caregiver, there are many ways you can make a difference in the life of your family member.
Research Long-Term Care Options
Since 75% of Americans age 50 and older would prefer to age in place, in-home care can be a great solution for adults who need medical or non-medical care at home. While you’re researching home care providers, you can also learn more about senior living communities, nursing homes, and specialized care facilities that could be right for your loved one’s evolving needs.
Coordinate Caregiving Services
In addition to researching at-home care options, you may also need to coordinate caregivers’ schedules to align with your loved one’s needs. This may involve working with a home care agency that offers a full continuum of care, multiple agencies to mix and match services, or a combination of private duty caregivers and family members.
Schedule Appointments and Arrange Deliveries
Even from a distance, you can schedule grocery deliveries, lawn care, medical and dental appointments, and rideshares. You can also set up time for family and friends to visit and make arrangements for other social activities that keep your loved one engaged.
Manage Bills and Financial Matters
Online bill pay and other technology make it easy to manage finances and health insurance on behalf of your loved one. This is an especially important responsibility for you to handle if they have dementia or Alzheimer’s disease. In addition to making mistakes or forgetting to make payments, seniors are often vulnerable to devastating financial scams.
Create and Oversee a Digital Vault
Your aging loved ones may have official paper documents like birth certificates, wills, insurance policies, and property titles stored in a safety deposit box at a bank or tucked away in boxes at their home. It’s a good idea to set up a digital vault (i.e., online storage area) for permanent documents and updated medical reports or other new information. You also can provide customized access to other family members who are involved in your loved one’s care.
Discuss Advanced Care Planning
Although it can be uncomfortable, conversations about end-of-life decisions are essential to ensure your loved one’s wishes are known and respected. Whenever possible, it’s best to have these discussions in person. However, a video chat can work if a face-to-face meeting isn’t possible. Be sure to schedule plenty of time so that your loved one has time to understand the information and ask questions. You can include an attorney or another advisor in the call if it’s appropriate for your family’s needs.
Offer Mental, Emotional, and Social Support
While you won’t be there to physically check in on your elderly parent or disabled loved one, you can still provide mental, emotional, and social engagement for them. Letters, emails, phone calls, care packages, and video calls are just a few ways you can show them how much you care.
Challenges of Long-Distance Caregiving
Though it’s entirely possible to care for a loved one from far away, that doesn’t make it any easier. Caregiving can be stressful for families as it is, so the distance can make existing challenges harder. Here are some common challenges you may encounter as a long-distance family caregiver.
Feeling Disconnected
It’s easy to feel like you’re losing touch with your elderly parent or disabled family member when you live in a different city or state. But when you also have your own needs, it can make the gap seem wider. Juggling work, your household, your own children, your health, and numerous other responsibilities can make it difficult to find time to deeply connect with your loved one.
Guilt and Anxiety
Because you’re living far away from your loved one, you may feel guilty about not being available for them when they need you. Especially if your loved one is an aging parent, you might feel like you’re not being a “good” child by taking care of your parent on a regular basis. As a long-distance family caregiver, you may also experience anxiety because you’re not around to see the changes or needs of your loved one.
Difficulty Coordinating Care
Even though it’s logistically possible to arrange doctor appointments, therapy sessions, and other healthcare check-ins for your loved one,it can be more challenging when you don’t live in the same city—or even the same time zone—as your loved one. You may have to send emails or make phone calls outside of typical business hours, or you may need to coordinate with multiple family members and care providers to ensure everything is handled.
Travel Requirements
Depending on your loved one’s age, specific health concerns, location, and family dynamics, you may need to make more frequent visits to check on them. This can be especially true if they have a disability or a terminal illness. Not only can frequent travel affect your budget, but it can also take you away from your responsibilities back home, which can make staying on top of your own life more difficult.
Financial Strain
If your aging parent or family member is no longer able to work or their expenses have increased due to health issues, you may feel compelled to help them financially. Whether it’s covering costs of medical bills, paying for utilities at their home, taking care of their travel and transportation, or supporting them with a monthly allowance, the financial stress of caring for a loved one from afar can lead to more stress.
Physical Toll
As a long-distance family caregiver, you may push yourself to the point of burnout trying to ensure your loved one gets the attention they need. While doing everything you can to support your loved one is helpful for them, it may come at the expense of your own health and wellness. Chronic stress in particular can significantly impair your physical and mental health and lead to long-term health issues later.
How to Stay Connected as a Long-Distance Caregiver
According to the NIH National Institute on Aging, people who are lonely or socially isolated are more likely to be admitted to the emergency room or a nursing home. They’re also at increased risk of heart disease, stroke, type 2 diabetes, depression, and dementia.
Here are some long-distance caregiving tips to help your loved one stay happy, healthy, and connected, no matter how far away they are from you.
Schedule In-Person Visits
Being able to hug your loved one, hold their hand, and look into their eyes is especially meaningful. If it isn’t possible to visit often, do your best to make the most of the time you have together. Before leaving to return to your own home, consider scheduling your next trip so your loved one has something to look forward to.
Coordinate with Family and Caregivers
If you have family or friends who can help, coordinate visits and calls so that your loved one will have regular social interaction. It’s also wise to have a communication plan established that includes professional caregivers, family members, neighbors, and others who would need to be involved if an urgent medical situation, natural disaster, or other emergency occurs.
Call or Video Chat Frequently
Staying in touch with your loved one on a regular basis not only helps you feel more confident in their well-being, but it also provides them with social engagement. Phone calls are a great way to do quick check-ins and share updates. Consider video calls for longer conversations or to let your loved one see grandkids, other family members, and pets.
Participate in Appointments Virtually
Even when you can’t be in the same room with your loved one during doctor’s appointments or meetings with therapists, you may be able to participate virtually. This will require your family member’s consent, adherence to any HIPAA and privacy rules, and approval from healthcare providers. Plan ahead to learn what the provider’s guidelines are so that you’re prepared for smooth virtual participation.
Consider Remote Monitoring
If you’re worried about your elderly parent or family member falling, leaving the stove turned on, or other dangerous situations, you may want to install cameras with two-way audio in their home. Similar to nanny cams, being able to log in to check on loved ones—or using a monitoring service—can provide you with peace of mind. Be sure to disclose camera placement to agency caregivers that come into the home and follow applicable legal or privacy guidelines.
How Respite Care Can Help Long-Distance Caregivers
As a long-distance family caregiver, you are carrying the emotional load of trying to keep your loved one safe and happy without the convenience of being there in person. Recurring or on-demand respite care can provide you with a temporary break from the following caregiving activities:
- Meal planning
- Scheduling appointments
- Arranging for transportation
- Making sure prescriptions are refilled and delivered on time
- Checking in with healthcare providers
BrightStar Care Can Help You with Long-Distance Caregiving
If you’re providing care for a loved one far away, BrightStar Care is here to help. We offer a full range of in-home care services—including respite care—to help support your loved one and give you the time you need to recover.
Our compassionate nurses and caregivers will work with you and your family to ensure your loved one has the companionship, household assistance, and nurse-led care plan they need to stay happy, healthy, and safe.
Find a BrightStar Care location near you, contact us online, or call (855) 570-1178 to learn more about our passion for caregiving and in-home care services.