Finding Common Ground: When Siblings Disagree About Caring for Aging Parents
Blog

Finding Common Ground: When Siblings Disagree About Caring for Aging Parents

Published On
February 24, 2025

findingcommonground-(1).png

Caring for aging parents is a journey filled with love, responsibility, and—let’s be honest—plenty of challenges. For siblings, it can be an opportunity to come together and support each other. But sometimes, it’s also a recipe for conflict. Disagreements about how to handle caregiving responsibilities or what’s best for Mom and Dad can create tension that feels impossible to resolve.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Here in Passaic and Western Bergen Counties, families of all shapes and sizes face the same struggles. Balancing work, family, and caregiving is no easy feat, and when siblings don’t see eye to eye, the stress can feel overwhelming. But with a little communication, planning, and support, it’s possible to navigate these challenges and come out stronger as a family.

Why Do Siblings Disagree About Caregiving?

First, let’s acknowledge the elephant in the room: caregiving is hard. Emotions run high when parents age, and everyone brings their own perspectives, priorities, and even baggage to the table.

Some common reasons siblings disagree include:

  • Unequal Distribution of Responsibilities: One sibling might feel like they’re doing all the work, while another thinks they’re doing “enough.” This imbalance often leads to resentment.
  • Differing Opinions on Care Needs: One sibling might push for in-home care, while another advocates for an assisted living facility. These decisions can be deeply personal and emotionally charged.
  • Financial Concerns: Who’s paying for what? How do you divide costs fairly? Money can quickly become a source of tension.
  • Family Dynamics and Past Conflicts: Let’s face it—old sibling rivalries have a way of resurfacing during stressful times.

The good news is that these disagreements don’t have to tear families apart. With a proactive approach, you can turn conflict into collaboration.

Steps to Handle Caregiving Disagreements

If you and your siblings are struggling to agree on how to care for your aging parents, here are some practical steps to help resolve the tension:

1. Start with Open Communication

Schedule a family meeting—ideally in person, but virtual works too—and create a space where everyone feels heard. Avoid blaming or criticizing. Instead, focus on your shared goal: ensuring the best possible care for your parents.

Tip: Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. For example, say, “I feel overwhelmed with Mom’s care schedule,” instead of, “You never help out.”

2. Involve Your Parents

Whenever possible, include your parents in the conversation. Their wishes and preferences should be at the center of any caregiving plan. This helps prevent siblings from making assumptions about what’s best.

3. Divide Responsibilities Fairly

Not all siblings will be able to contribute equally, and that’s okay. Some may have more time, while others can offer financial support. Create a caregiving plan that plays to everyone’s strengths.

Example: If one sibling lives locally, they might handle daily tasks like grocery shopping or appointments. Another sibling living farther away could contribute by managing bills or researching resources.

4. Bring in a Neutral Third Party

Sometimes, emotions get in the way of productive conversations. In these cases, a professional mediator, family therapist, or even a trusted clergy member can help facilitate discussions and keep things on track.

5. Educate Yourselves on Care Options

Many disagreements stem from a lack of understanding about the options available. Researching local resources—like in-home care, adult day programs, or respite services—can help everyone make informed decisions.

How BrightStar Care Can Help Families Find Harmony

When siblings disagree about caregiving, the stress doesn’t just affect the family—it can also impact the quality of care your loved one receives. That’s where BrightStar Care of Passaic and Western Bergen Counties can step in to make a difference.

Our in-home care services are designed to support both seniors and their families. Whether you need occasional help or 24/7 care, we offer flexible solutions that ease the burden of caregiving and give everyone peace of mind. Here’s how we can help:

  • Professional Guidance: Unsure where to start? Our team works with families to create personalized care plans tailored to your loved one’s needs, making it easier to get everyone on the same page.
  • Skilled and Compassionate Care: From medication management to personal care, our highly trained caregivers provide the expertise your parents needs—and the reassurance your family deserves.
  • Respite Care: If caregiving responsibilities are unevenly distributed, our respite care services can provide relief for overwhelmed siblings, ensuring no one feels like they’re carrying the weight alone.
  • Neutral Support: Because we’re not part of the family, our caregivers bring a neutral, professional presence that can help reduce tension and keep everyone focused on what matters most: your parent’s well-being.

As a locally owned and operated agency, we understand the unique needs of families in Passaic and Western Bergen Counties. Whether your parent lives in Clifton, Little Falls, or somewhere in between, we’re committed to delivering exceptional care that fits seamlessly into your family dynamic.

Finding a Path Forward

Caring for aging parents can be one of the most rewarding—and challenging—experiences in life. Disagreements between siblings are natural, but they don’t have to derail your efforts. By fostering open communication, dividing responsibilities fairly, and seeking support when needed, you can build a caregiving plan that works for everyone.

At BrightStar Care of Passaic and Western Bergen Counties, we’re here to help families navigate these challenges with compassion and expertise. If you’re struggling to find balance or just need an extra set of hands, reach out to us today. Let’s work together to ensure your parents receive the care they deserve—and your family finds the peace of mind it needs.

BrightStar Care® is Here to Help

At BrightStar Care® of Passaic and Western Bergen Counties, we offer a wide range of home care and medical staffing services that enrich the quality of life for those who need care from the comfort of their home. We strive to provide the full continuum of care to our community while keeping our focus on offering a higher standard of care. Offering unparalleled support for our local healthcare system while providing a variety of high-quality, compassionate care, we work to give our clients the best lives possible while also strengthening the broader community. Contact us through our website or call 973.321.7413, so that we can help you find the right support to fit your unique needs.