One of the most difficult things in life is seeing a loved one struggling to care for themselves safely and independently at home. This can be especially hard when it’s a parent or spouse who has previously been a source of strength and support. Whether this change in function is due to aging, a chronic health condition, dementia, or a disability, in-home care may be a good option for your loved one’s well-being and your peace of mind.
But how do you know when it’s time to consider home care? In this guide, we’ll explore some of the signs that might suggest your loved one needs additional support and how to have gentle conversations with your loved one about seeking home care.
- Signs Your Loved One Can't Take Care of Themselves
- Common Objections to Home Care
- How to Talk to Your Loved One About Home Care
- Planning for Home Care
Signs Your Loved One Can’t Take Care of Themselves
Many older adults don’t want to admit that they need help at home because it means losing independence and control over their daily lives. Or, in some cases, they might not even realize that they’re struggling and could benefit from at-home assistance. Here are some behaviors or situations that could indicate a need for in-home care services.
Unable to Perform ADLs
Activities of daily living (ADLs) are basic tasks that everyone must do to take care of themselves independently. These include bathing, dressing, eating, toileting, transferring, and continence. If your loved one is struggling to perform these basic tasks and starting to show signs of poor personal hygiene, it could be a sign that they’re unable to live independently and need in-home care to assist with everyday tasks.
Increased Confusion or Memory Loss
Occasional memory loss is a normal part of aging, but if your loved one is experiencing more frequent instances of confusion, forgetting basic information (like their own name or where they are), or has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, this can be a sign that they need consistent monitoring and professional care at home.
Medication Mistakes
Taking the wrong doses at the wrong time or forgetting to take medication can cause serious health problems or even lead to death. Older adults who are able to properly use medication organizers or timed reminders may only need help with getting prescriptions refilled by the pharmacy and placed into an organizer. If this isn’t enough support for your loved one, then it’s essential for you find someone to watch their medication intake closely.
Falling More Frequently
Falls are the leading cause of injury and injury-related death among adults over 65. If your loved one seems to be falling more often than usual—due to lack of mobility, medication side effects, confusion and memory loss, or hazards at home—it could be a sign that they need assistance at home.
No Longer Able to Drive
Physical and mental decline might prevent your loved one from doing the things they normally do, including driving a car. There are many reasons why driving may become difficult: diminished vision, side effects of medication, confusion, or mobility issues. If your loved one is noticeably driving less and missing appointments or social engagements, or if they’re driving impaired and getting into more accidents, they may need assistance with transportation.
Inability to Manage Money
If you notice large piles of unsorted mail, bills piling up, or debt collectors leaving messages, it may be time to consider a medical assessment of your loved one’s cognitive capabilities. Especially with elder care scam calls on the rise, it’s important to ensure your loved one is able to stay financially safe.
Changes in Housekeeping
Physical challenges, pain, memory problems, or depression may limit your loved one’s ability to clean and organize their home. Piles of dirty laundry, spoiled food in the refrigerator, overflowing garbage cans, or piles of clutter can indicate that your family member may need help from either a physical or cognitive standpoint.
Common Objections to Home Care
Older adults often resist the idea of receiving in-home care because it can make them feel helpless or less valuable than they used to be. Sometimes, this resistance is because they’re uncomfortable with the cost or someone unfamiliar in their home. Here are some of the most common reasons why your loved one might push back on the idea of needing home care and how you can ease their worries.
“I Don’t Need Home Care”
No one wants to be perceived as incapable. And while you may see a decline in function in your loved one, they may not see it themselves—or they may not be willing to acknowledge or admit it.
Be sensitive to your loved one’s feelings. Some seniors may find it offensive if you start the conversation with “You need help.” They may think, “What do you mean I need help? I made it to 90 without help, and I don’t need to start now.” Instead, frame the discussion as you being concerned about their long-term safety, and that you want them to be able to comfortably age in place.
“I Can’t Afford It / You Can’t Afford It”
Money can be just as sensitive a subject as home care, which is why it’s important to establish how much home care services cost and who will pay for them.
Check with your loved one’s insurance company to find out if they cover any caregiving or home health services. If your loved one or their spouse is a veteran, they may even qualify for certain VA services. You can even contact local community aging and disability resource centers to find out if your loved one qualifies for programs available to income-eligible individuals.
Having this information on-hand when you go to discuss home care with your loved one can help ease any concerns they may have about the financial strain of receiving care at home.
“I Don’t Want a Stranger in My House”
Many people feel uncomfortable having someone they don’t know in their home, especially if that person is providing personal care and assistance with ADLs, which can feel like a violation of privacy or a loss of dignity.
Assure your loved one that caregivers and skilled nurses who work in home care settings are professional and trustworthy, and let them know that they’ll have the chance to meet and interview any potential home care providers.
You can also give them some comfort by reminding them that you’ll only employ a company that uses rigorous screening practices when hiring, including background checks and drug tests.
How to Talk to Your Loved One About Home Care
Many families shy away from discussing the health of an aging loved one, especially when decisions could threaten an elderly family member’s independence and dignity. While these conversations aren’t always easy, they’re important to have to ensure your loved one can continue living safely at home.
Here are some practical tips to help you start a conversation with your loved one about in-home care services.
Be Prepared to Discuss the Issue Multiple Times
Addressing your loved one’s need for in-home care most likely won’t be a one-time conversation. Ideally, your first conversation will be about their wishes for the future and won’t require an immediate decision about home care. You could open with something you experienced in real life or saw on TV. For example, “I was talking to my neighbor, and they mentioned they’re getting some help from a home care company. I realized I don’t know how you would feel about that if you need a little help someday. Could we talk about that?”
Have In-Person Conversations
Whenever possible, have conversations about home care in person so you can sit with them, hold their hand, and look at them directly. This can help you communicate more effectively than over the phone. It also gives you an opportunity to demonstrate your love and respect for your loved one so that they can understand where you’re coming from.
Don’t Do All the Talking
Listening to your loved one share their concerns, hopes, and preferences is essential for finding a solution that addresses everyone’s needs. It can be hard to be attentive and patient when you’re concerned about their well-being, but they’ll hear you better when you hear them first. Don’t dismiss their thoughts, downplay their worries, or use elderspeak.
Empower Your Loved One
Show them that you’re on their team and support their desire to live independently as they age. Suggest that accepting some help around the house would allow them to remain self-sufficient longer. Since 77% of adults want to age in place in familiar surroundings, a combination of family caregivers and professional caregivers can be a good solution for maintaining their independence at home.
Dig Into the Details
Although you may have previously discussed issues like an Advanced Directive or other late-in-life preferences, it’s important to have conversations about long-term care needs and end-of-life planning. This can help your loved one better understand how in-home care services can support the plans they’ve made for their future.
Suggest a Trial Run
Start slowly by introducing the concept of in-home care and let your loved one know they’ll be involved in the entire process. You may need to take baby steps by introducing them to potential caregivers and encouraging them to at least try having a home care visitor for one week. During your conversations, explain how much it would mean to you if they would accept your help and the help of the professional caregiver that you recommend for them.
Planning for Home Care
Although there may come a time when a decision must be made about in-home care, it’s better to start exploring your loved one’s wishes before the situation becomes an emergency.
There are varying levels of services your senior or adult loved one can receive from an in-home caregiver or skilled nurse. Some agencies offer care along the entire continuum, which makes it easy to ensure that your family has the right type of provider at the right time.
Companion Care
Companion care includes practical assistance around the home along with social-emotional support. Through in-home companion care, your loved one can receive help with housekeeping and laundry, meal prep, shopping and errands, and transportation to and from appointments. This can also be a great solution for family caregivers seeking respite care.
Personal Care
Similar to companion care, personal care services offer companionship and social engagement for your loved one, but this care goes a little further by providing additional assistance with activities of daily living (ADLs), such as bathing, toileting, and dressing. Personal caregivers can also help your loved one with medication reminders, mobility support, and recovery after surgery.
Skilled Nursing Care
Sometimes referred to as home health care services, skilled nursing is provided by a registered nurse who can address your loved one’s medical needs at home. This can include post-surgery needs, wound care, medication administration, home infusions, tube feeding, and more.
Memory Care
If your loved one has Alzheimer’s disease or dementia, memory care at home can provide the support they need. With caregivers and nurses highly trained in dementia care, your loved one can receive specialized care and assistance around the home, including structured therapeutic activities, help with ADLs, meal and medication management, and 24-hour supervision.
BrightStar Care Has the Home Care You Need
At BrightStar Care, we know care. With our nurse-led care model, quality staffing practices, and dedication to A Higher Standard® of care, our home care services can give your loved one the help they need at home with the dignity and respect they deserve.
You can schedule a consultation with one of our local BrightStar Care agencies, or call our team at (866) 618-7827 to learn more about the services we offer and how they can support your family.